Deep in Thought

Luke spiked a high fever in the night so I was up for while trying to get it down. Between the motrin and cold bath that he did not enjoy, I think everything is under control. Now, after much tossing and turning, I decided to quit trying to go back to sleep and just make use of my insomnia.

As I was trying to get back to sleep, I had a lot going through my mind. One of the things I was thinking about was Grandma Lieving. She was raised in the early 1900's in rural Appalachia. She walked to school and took a cold potato for her lunch. My mom always called Grandma's family "dirt farmers," which just meant they farmed to survive. She only went to the 6th grade and was very smart. I remember her reciting the counties of West Virginia when she was in her 70's or 80's.

When I, or anyone else, would go to Grandma's, the first thing she would say was "are you hungry?" And if you weren't, she would tell you that not being hungry wasn't a reason not to eat! Hmmm...maybe I am starting to see the development of my eating habits. Grandma wouldn't just fix a simple meal. I remember going there for lunch in sixth grade because she lived just a few doors down from the school. She would have spaghetti, hot dogs, bread, a couple of side dishes, maybe a piece of cake, and always cookies. She always had glass bottles of pop, orange was my favorite, that had the plastic caps to keep them from losing fiz. Remember those? I remember Grandma making greasy hamburgers. She would dip the bun in the grease and if she didn't have buns, she would put the burgers on regular bread and the bread would be soaked with grease. That was one thing I didn't like to eat at Grandma's (and that really thick bologna she always had). She always had carnival glass dishes full of candy too. Circus peanuts, mints, those crunchy peanut butter log things, horehound candy, the list goes on and on. And her noodles....mmm mmm her noodles. Surprise, surprise, Grandma was a big woman.

Everyone remembers Grandma having several main dishes and a table covered with food. Just look at the picture of her table. (that's Grandma holding my sister). I'm not sure what that was about. I don't know if it was her German heritage. Maybe it was because she and grandpa made a good living and wanted to make sure that they always had food, unlike during Grandma's childhood. Maybe she just enjoyed feeding others. Whatever it was, it makes me warm and fuzzy thinking about Grandma's kitchen. I have her cookie jar on a shelf in my kitchen and when I open it I can still smell her cookies. I'll never wash it.

My mom has taken on Grandma's role. Often, as soon as someone enters her house, she asks if they are hungry. And of course if they aren't, she tells them that's no reason not to eat. I watch the joy on her face when she feeds my kids and they gobble up every morsel. It's kind of the family joke that whenever any of my parent's kids or grandkids come for a visit, they go straight to the fridge. I caught myself in her kitchen yesterday thinking "I'm going to see what's in her cabinet to eat." I wasn't even hungry! And of course my new mindset quickly stopped me from doing so. It seems like mom gets a sense of fulfillment when she is able to feed others, as did Grandma.

So what is this emotional stuff about? Do I love food because I love Grandma and she always made me feel special? Is that part of the connection? Is it completely unrelated?

One thing I have realized is that when my kitchen is well stocked, I feel secure. I think it's a money thing. If you have enough money to feed your family, there is sense of safety and security, for me anyway. Another thing I'll have to explore....

One thing is for sure; I miss my Grandma. It's been about 20 years since her death and I still have a good cry over it about once a year. Maybe today's the day for that cry.

I Almost Lost My Pants!

Today in court I almost lost my pants. I haven't visually noticed much change, but I could tell a difference today with how my pants fit. I was very excited! I kept having to yank them up!

I am very appreciative of all the encouragement I have received since posting my first blog. It makes me want to keep going.

Someone who posted a comment is my sister-in-law, Tracy Wood. After reading her comment, I felt the need to share how I have been inspired by Tracy and her husband, my big brother, Chris. For at least the last year they have lost a tremendous amount of weight and kept it off. It has been a complete lifestyle change for them, watching what they eat and lots of exercise. It started when Chris joined the Biggest Loser weight loss contest at his place of employment. I always knew Chris was a big loser, but was surprised when he won the contest! :) I think that's what started it all for them. But they have done really well keeping the weight off. Tracy looks down right hot. I of course can't say that about my brother without getting a little nauseous, but he does look very nice. He is cut. I don't remember him ever being cut. Even when we were young and he was thin, he wasn't in as good of shape as he is now. For the last several months every time I see Chris or Tracy, I have been compelled to work on myself. I mean come on, if my brother can do it, I can! So I am very grateful for the example they have set for me. And if any of you tell my brother that I said he inspired me, I will deny it! :)

So there's not much depth to this blog, but I guess I'm realizing the importance of encouragement in this journey. Stay tuned...

Chris before.
Tracy and Chris after

A New Beginning

I hate writing, blogging, journaling, etc. I enjoy reading what others write, I just don't do it myself. But since "research shows" journaling increases your success of losing weight, I'm going for it. This will probably not interest many, but it is for my own health. Maybe someone else will benefit too.

On October10 I started the "Flat Belly Diet." This was by the recommendation of my nurse practitioner because of my struggle since having kids and my risk for diabetes. I have been working out faithfully since the beginning of September, but my middle just won't budge, even with results elsewhere. So the NP tells me this diet is the only thing that will work. I have tried many diets before. Weight Watchers, Adkins, and my own little diets. I never follow through, never see lasting results, and am now at my wits end.

In the last few weeks something just changed. Something clicked in my brain. I think this is finally the time. There are several reasons I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I don't want to have diabetes. I want to be a good example for my kids and others. And of course I want to be a hot mom! These are things I have always wanted, but something lately has really moved me to take action.

The problem. I love food. When I was a kid I remember several times being very sick and when the doctor would ask my mom about my appetite, she would say, "oh it's fine." I remember coming out of surgery after having my tonsils and adenoids out and asking the guy pushing me to my room for food. And as much as I have denied it in the past, I am an emotional eater. Happy...eat...sad...eat...angry...eat...excited...eat...eat...eat! I can blame this on my upbringing. I can blame this on my stressful life. At this point, I don't feel like blaming anyone. I am what I have become and now it's going to change. Maybe some day I will pay a lot of money in therapy to figure out why I feed my emotions. But for now, mom, you're off the hook.

So the NP says The Flat Belly Diet is about the only thing that will work for me. So I leave the clinic, get online and order the book for 9.95. I anxiously await its arrival and binge on carbs in the mean time. It was kind of my farewell to carbs celebration. The book arrived on Thursday, I stayed up after everyone was in bed and read a good chunk of it, got up the next morning with my shopping list and headed to Walmart before anyone was even up. So Friday I began the "anti bloat jump start" which is a 4 day horrific experience. The first day wasn't that bad, but days 2, 3 and 4 were miserable for me. I went to a cookout, a family dinner, a small group with pizza, and served food at the Farm Festival and did not touch a single morsel. I was grumpy, angry, tired, weak and miserable. I was even mad at the authors of the book. But determined. Mind you this is unlike any determination I have ever experienced when it comes to food. For some reason I kept going. I think people were praying for me because I was physically and emotionally miserable, but stuck to the plan.

Then came day 5! Here's how the rest of the diet works. I eat four 400 calorie meals a day, with each meal containing a serving of a mono unsaturated fatty acid, or MUFA. MUFAs come from olives, avocados, nuts, and get this DARK CHOCOLATE! Yeah! So even though I am eating way fewer calories than before, the food I am eating is good, and I'm eating every 4 hours, so it hasn't been that bad at all. Actually, I have been surprised at how good it is. And I am completely disgusted by the amount and the things I was eating before. One of the FBD breakfast meals is a whole wheat English muffin with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter and a half a banana. It's actually pretty filling and good. There are a ton of different meals to choose from. Some of the ingredients I haven't found around here yet, but I am making due. Tonight I had a veggie burger (a first for me) on an English muffin with cheese, sliced avocado, smoked red peppers and spinach leaves. I really wasn't sure about it, but it was delicious!

So I am encouraged that I can actually pull this thing off. I've lost almost 5 pounds and for the first time in years my wedding ring is loose. My short term goal is to be able to wear my diamond again. Long term, hot mom. And healthy of course.

Please pray that I continue on my health journey. I am excited and ready. Thanks to those of you who have supported me in this. And to those of you who have told me to cheat just this once, I'm ignoring you. I may even stop hanging out with you, at least temporarily!